A friend of mine is a program manager, who works at a big tech company you probably know. We were chatting about facilitating meetings, and she raised an issue that comes up from time to time.

Often in her job, she has to capture and distil really complex information that really technically experienced people are going on about. She gets bamboozled and stressed, hoping she's capturing the conversation accurately. She wants to ask clarifying questions, but she doesn't want to look dumb, or interrupt the flow of (what she hopes is!) a productive discussion.

You feeling it? I know I've been there. A lot.

Here are some tips I've learned (and re-learned) over the years, that might help.

Be clear about your role as a facilitator

For your own sanity - and to help everyone set their expectations right - be really clear on what your role is in the meeting or workshop that you're running. Glen Ochre, a giant in the field of facilitation in Australia (and sadly no longer with us) said that the purpose of facilitation is "to make possible the purpose of the group". 

It's on your group to own the outcome. It's on you to guide and help them get there.

Be honest about not knowing as much as they do

You're there to help the group get to the outcome they want, and not a subject matter expert. As such (and, feel free to use your best officious voice at this part), you reserve the right to ask any damn dumb question you like. 

This normally gets some friendly smiles. I've had a few times where someone pipes up and says something like, "Don't worry, if you're wondering what something means, I bet the rest of us are, too!"

Lean on the wisdom of your group

Ask for a volunteer Subject Matter Expert Rapid Translator (SMERT, for short). Every technical meeting needs a SMERT to quickly explain that random acronym, or that esoteric concept that the Server Admin guy said. Whenever you're a bit bamboozled, give your SMERT a signal, to quickly explain. 

Engagement levels will increase, guaranteed.

Delegate the note-taking

As a facilitator, you're there as a guide, not a sherpa. It's probably going to take your whole brain - and then some - to mentally jump from subject matter complexity to conversation complexity. 

So, speaking of leaning on others, do yourself a favour, and get someone else to focus on capturing the discussion, while you focus on checking that the discussion is tracking toward the right outcome.

Bonus: believe it or not, these tips also work for facilitating groups that are much more senior than you, as well.

So, until you're like Tony Stark or Grace Hopper, cut yourself a little slack, and use your facilitation powers to spread the load a bit. The conversation - and the outcome - will be better for it.