We all want to be our best selves at work, but there are often loads of factors that get in the way: stress, distractions, too many meetings, confusing COVID rules, that snide put-down from that manager over Slack"¦ the list goes on. 

And we all want psychological safety when we work together. We want to be free to try new things without being unduly penalised, speak plainly without fear of retribution, and ask questions without being made to feel stupid. We all want a culture of being seen, being heard, and being included.

But we're only human. Of course we're going to trip up in meetings, and say the wrong thing sometimes. 

Safety is a myth, but recovery is real

Through lots of facilitation (and just work in general) I've found the key to fostering psychological safety is not so much about stopping undesirable behaviour, but recovering quickly and safely from undesirable behaviour.

Here's something really easy to try out in your next - ahem - tricky meeting, and it comes from writer and editor Annaliese Griffin"¦

Oops, ouch, and whoa.

• If you say something and then suddenly realise that it came out wrong, and/or hurtful, you say "oops."
• If someone else says something that hits you in a way that is hurtful, you say "ouch."
• If the conversation is moving too fast, you're not following a line of reasoning, or you're just getting left behind, you say "whoa," and ask for clarification.

These three little words can actually start to instil values of psychological safety in your group: mistakes are normal, but we're accountable for them. Harm can be mended. It's OK not to know something.  

One tip to help make this work: send a link to this post (or Annaliese's original Medium article) to your team, for them to read before the next meeting.

Like a lot of the things that I write about to try in meetings, the first time you do this (and/or encourage others to do this) will feel weird. That's OK. Do it anyway. After a couple of times, it will go from being weird to being welcome.